Відео

You misattributed pussy to pusillanimous (and you mispronounced it), that's not the entomology.

It's an interesting video. I think some of the "nice guy" "trying to be all things to all people", unresolved, thinking & causes of it & too many young men these days being surrounded by/brought up by too many women (not that they are not doing their very, very best) is actually a main cause of S*****s, these days..

I was lucky having mostly male teachers in an old fashioned grammar school. So many organisations are now female dominated and women keep on presenting themselves as being hard done by. Women can also be very good at manipulating nice guys - my ex-wife was brilliant at it. I felt guilty all the time and I was always apologising.

I've finally come to terms with the fact I am a disagreeable individual. I am 46, lonely and conscious the chances of being loved again by a woman are non-existent. So I just work and produce, work and produce Work, writing and reading are my safe places from the void and pain that come from deep within.

Intriguing comments and discussions, even those we may disagree with. If I may add 2 ideas... 1) The age old "nature vs nurture" debate is jumping off the screen from the comments. I can look back to very young age, and see how I still default to the same behavior if I'm not actively aware. I also wonder how different it may be had my childhood been different. We all do, and of course we would be different "if". How different is hard to say. 2. Evolutionary biology. We are wired for when the world was VERY different. To be outcast meant certain death. It also meant not procreating and passing on genes. Even in the modern world, to survive and prosper we must be a part of something. That something primarily being work. Even the sole proprietor business owner needs customers. No one survives in total isolation. As for men and women. Many if not most men feel some apprehension about approaching a woman. Why? Because in the aforementioned days of yore, female rejection had much more dire consequences. It could get you killed if she belonged to high status male. And women are attracted to pre-selected men. To be rejected by one meant to most likely be rejected by all and not procreate. I suppose women pleasing is a mix of these things and misguided chivalry.

TIL the antique etymology of the slang use of the word "pussy." Thank you, Oliver. _Kick ass out there._

I'm not surprised your girl dumped you..

Do you have an affiliate link for the book you recommended? I’d like to get the book and I’d have no problem at all if you received some affiliate commission.

Phicical abuse and she gets away with it unfortunately mental too .

Idk about the other guys, but if i embrace this anxiety i would do some crazy things and might end up in jail. I'm 33 btw

I STUPIDLY crashed a motorcycle on a beautifully sunny day on a gorgeous mountain road BECAUSE I let rage of a bitter past breakup almost kill me… & tear up my bike. I emerged relatively unscathed… amazingly, with some passing motorists stopping to aid me. The GOOD thing about this ‘mishap’ [100% MY FAULT] was the resounding ‘wake-up call’ it was, bringing a flurry of things into focus about myself that were dreamily idiotic… … like ill advised romances. My life got a lot better after that motorcycle crash, & I consciously chose to be a different person… & would check myself if slipping… … & this carried over into my career as well.

Are you a doctor?

Wow, you just described me. I am a retired woman and everything you described was how I was from the time I was a young child. I got some therapy in my 40s and that helped I can see where I still have people pleasing tendencies. Thanks for your video. Keep on going.

Thanks for having the balls to do your channel. Finding balls to ‘make it happen’ was your turning point. And all your tiny bits of how you got to it, are great insights for many to be aware of in their journeys.

Decide who you’re likely to piss off and just live with the consequences. Because you’re going to piss off somebody.

My problem with this "syndrome" is all the vagueness that basically amounts to "man isn't behaving how women want"

Just found your content. You provide a lot of high quality perspectives. I can relate and resonate with you a lot.

Self actualization might be a more viable possibility if the hands of both my Rents weren't always in my pockets.

"Nice-guy syndrome" is not just some random mysterious thing some guys have and some guys dont. I hope you have realized the girl that casually dumped you was a narcissist? And that you have been groomed for abuse by a narcissistic parent, as the family scapegoat. People-pleasing and lack of boundaries are two glaring red flags for familial narcissistic abuse, and emotional neglect, namely CPTSD.

Shame is a tough one... where it originated hurts.

Pussi animagus?

It is one of the best books. Don't be passive-aggressive. This is a female trate, that men should never adopt. Say your peace, your stance, straight away to gain respect.

Perhaps it would be better to address the source of the toxic shame, who's associated with it and how it became part of you. It's not the fault of other people if you have repressed rage that bubbles up and does damage, it's not for them to behave in certain ways for you not to be angry. That's just controlling. Own your shame and anger, examine it, reverse engineer it, dismantle it and leave it behind.

Crikey succinct...and deep .....and I'm just gonna put a blanket over that mirror ....thanks for the honesty .....😢😢😢

Honestly, you just described me and I am a 47 y old woman😊 I came to the realization of who I really am and how to handle it a few years ago. I wish I had this book in my 20s.

How great! Thank you! I've been working through this a long time ,and your perspective is fresh! Something funny to tell you. I'm a longtime acupuncture client, a poetically beautiful view of the body, that links emotions & spirit, in a way that western medicine trivializes. It's urinary bladder that is the organ of courage, as evidenced in the animal kingdom by urine marking territory. As well that courage is a unisex quality. Some brokenness is as absolute as an amputation. Affirmations weren't enough. A different strategy called for

I Have Been a People Pleaser From Age 15 to 29 Now ... I Hope To Change it From Watching This Video

Childhood trauma warped my 'identity'; self image. Destiny aborted.

Oliver, man! I can't tell you enough how much I can relate to you. Thank you for sharing everything that you do!

Wow. Different circumstances, but the same root issue(s) and eventual recovery (ongoing). "Toxic shame", and the others...have you been stalking me outside my house, Oliver? lol I am buying the book this week. Thanks. Subscribed.

Pusillanimous😂

I say No a lot -- alot a lot. The love of self is paramount for every person. With that, you will never let someone manipulate you, much less disrespect you much.

Must be hard growing up without a father figure and not getting a man perspective. Must admit the guys I know bought up by mums do tend to be a bit passive and easy. A good male role model is part of masculinity moulding. Shame we see so few in positions of government these days. Or on TV. Where ARE all the tough but sensitive men these days?

What you’re saying might be true to some extent but it seems like you’re just taking something that resonates with redpill audiences like Jordan Peterson does but you’re still winging it. With certainty that displays a lot of inexperience and ignorance. You’re not dumb but you’re lacking experience to make this kind of content. It just like Hamza trying to bring up lessons of Alex Hormozi and Andrew Huberman in an accessible way for kids. It might make him money but doesn’t help anyone.

If you want to continue to be nice -- no matter what other people think of you, or what results you get with people -- are you still suffering from nice guy syndrome, then? Or are you just being authentic? And if a former nice guy changed his behaviour to being a good man, just to have better results with people, why is he not called a nice guy anymore? He changed his behaviour to being liked more, didn't he?

I was a people pleaser until I worked with a souless group of a holes Now I hate everyone 😂

Thanks for the interesting video and for sharing your personal experiences and thoughts. So good you found out these things at a relatively early stage in life, and not decades later. Let me tell you that I came across a great lecture by Dr Robert Lustig two years ago. >Sugar: The Bitter Truth< opened my eyes to the vast range of problems for individuals and society caused just by refined sugar alone. From then on I watched numerous videos on natural foods and remedies and what to avoid eating to prevent and cure diseases. I highly recommend channels by Dr Eric Berg, Dr Sten Ekberg, Dr Alan Mandell ( among others) and US top psychiatrist Dr Daniel Amen on brain health. Our inner workings and state of mind are highly correlated with our biochemistry. We often have undetected, subclinical deficiencies like in potassium, magnesium, vitamin D3, B vitamins, fiberous foods and lots of other minerals, vitamins, enzymes etc.that can lead to anxiety, depression, nerve problems and so on. Stay healthy 🙂

You mean my boyish charm?

Where are U located we can catch up relieve our child hoods

I feel like a slave trapped in a prison.

It's really difficult to watch this video with Tinkerbell screaming "the guy knows nothing about this !!!" In my ear .

I genuinely like to please people. When I say, "what the hell is wrong with your face?'" to strangers, it is simply a conversation starter so I can help them be better. Joking aside. You get crucified for honesty.

At this point I dunno if I'm the abuser or if she is. Maybe both is true. All I know is I have lost my self-confidence, I'm hyper sensitive and will fly off the handle regularly, I've become withdrawn and hidden, barely speaking to my friends. I feel exhausted, I have no desire to find a new job after redundancy. Her voice cuts through me like a sheet of metal, but when I'm drunk I can tolerate her better. She talks incessantly and in circles. When she's not there I feel at peace and the rollercoaster stops, but when we're together I inevitably end up red faced, shouting at the top of my lungs in exasperation, frustration and anger. I feel like I'm reliving my childhood relationship with my father. Where I was heavily criticised, none of my ideas were valid, and I was not allowed to express myself emotionally. I had to sit and be quiet or else.

Women are much more uncomplicated than men think: most women seek a fairly emotionally intelligent man, who is decent, kind and someone who treats them with respect. If we don't get that we will settle for your wallet. To be fair many men say most women only want men for their money, how is that different to many men only wanting women for sex? If you are a man constantly attracting women that only wants you as long as you provide resources then it is likely because : 1. You lack self respect and a backbone 2. you are not offering women what they really want, which is treating them well. 3. You don't show up consistently and make her feel wanted and safe. I cannot stress the safety aspect, it is literally the fastest way to her heart. So true, Oliver: if a woman does not feel safe with a man she will not get naked with you! It is not complicated. Looks, money, success etc...seem to be what men perceive they need to offer women when that is great but not what hooks most decent women in. Oliver,I just found your channel and I think the content is great. I found your people pleasing vid really good.Many thanks and keep up the good work.

I went trough something similar during months. Never got an apology. Not even a chance to talk and set my boundaries in a healthy and assertive way. I ended up blocking her and even abandon our group of common friends. Luckily the ones who trusted me stayed by my side. After months of therapy and tenths of books, I can say that was one of the best things that happened to me. Nothing but growth, wisdom and self awareness. Of course I was a people pleaser with low self esteem and I’m still learning to change that. I promised myself I won’t allow anybody else to treat me like that. I hope love doesn’t blind me again.

Hey this is a great video. Kind but blunt. Trust this video boys. He's telling tell truth.

I’m 29 years old and yet I am completely honestly a manchild and I’ve been one for far too long and I’m tired of it completely utterly disgustingly tired of it. Thank you so much for this video. I definitely needed it. Thank you for my algorithm for showing me. I will do all of the work necessary to become the full authentic mam that I know I’m capable of being

The light went on for me as a people pleaser when someone I’ve always been kind to decided to stop speaking to me. I used to turn myself inside out dealing with this bullshit, always blaming myself. I didn’t realize two things. A. That person is the asshole. B. No one is that special. Really wish that would’ve dawned on me a lot sooner.

Long story short, you discovered being fake wasn’t making you happy?

You have upgraded my vocabulary, thank you.